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Samples of Badassery


Lex Samreeth

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  • 5 months later...

When Philip II of Macedon sent a message to the Spartans saying something to the effect of "If I enter Laconia, I will level Sparta to the ground." The Spartans responded with their characteristic brevity by sending back a single word:

"If."

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From my normally quite cowardly ysoki precog in a Starfinder campaign, after a mercenary swoops in on a refugee caravan with a mech:

 

"Look. Plus ten points for you somehow managing to match the beastie that's cursed my family for at least a millenium, but seriously. SCREW YOU, SCREW YOUR "HONOR", AND SCREW THE DOSHKO YOU'VE GOT UP YOUR VENT! I've survived THREE attempts to kill me, and those were when I was alone, unarmed, and unarmored. And right now, I've got an APC, a truck with an anti-material cannon, and several new friends that are equally done with your guano! Oh, and by the way. Does the name "Bloody Bessel" mean anything to you?"

"If she finds out somebody other than her killed me, she's going to kill you and everyone she even thinks you care about. Slowly. I heard the last one she got to play with lasted nineteen Absalom Standard days before he finally died. And she livestreamed the whole thing. So, three ways this can end. First, we can blow your arse into bloody mist and salvage that fancy toy of yours so I can take the lady ysoki on the craziest joyrides ever. Might even add you to the family tapestry. Second, you manage to kill us, and you wake up one day on an Akitonese freighter with a hangover from the depths of the Abyss and a very angry, VERY insane ysoki giving you a guided tour of all of your internal organs, one at a time, after she's done making you listen to all of your fellow Razorbacks beg for the sweet release of death. Third, and this is the one I think you'd greatly prefer, is you tell whatever warmongering lizard sent you creds to die on this overgrown hellhole that we managed to outmaneuver you and escape into the wilds, and that you decided it wasn't worth the fuel or ammo to pursue us into what's undoubtedly already our doom."

"So, what's it going to be? Are you going to let us take our chances in the jungle? Or are you going to see what happens when you piss off an Akitonese in a military grade vehicle?"

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On 9/3/2023 at 7:59 PM, Civit said:

(You didn't specify successful badassery)

He was successful at being a bad ass.

And for other "unsuccessful" badasses...

 

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
   Volleyed and thundered;
Stormed at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
   Rode the six hundred.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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